Watch Your Privates!

We went to New York City on Wednesday after having breakfast in Cape May, NJ...

...at the Rainbow Palace Diner.

Sundae, Monday, Happy Days!

Ofcoursewedid.

After leaving Bookie to die in gross Jersey, Jon and I arrived in New York where a very excited Aaron...
...graciously let us stay at his place. Aaron's friend Jimmy joined us and the four of us went to dinner at and Italian place called Frank's:


The restaurant was pretty tiny--so tiny, in fact, that we had to share a table with three strangers who were already seated and eating. And by 'table' I mean 'ancient desk with wooden legs, a metal top, and some drawers.'

The guy at the end of the table was very tall and looked somewhat familiar. With him was a distinguished looking gray-haired gentleman and a red-headed woman who I could tell would be trouble the second I laid eyes on her.

We ordered some wine and Aaron, Jon, Jimmy and I were all catching up when Red interjects: "Excuse me, what do you guys do? You look like you work in computers.”

What? Why? Because one of us was wearing glasses? I'm not really sure what she was trying to do, but she certainly managed to capture our attention. We explained that none of us, in fact, work in computers. Once she heard that some of us might work in Reality TV, her ears perked up.

I asked what she did for a living and she explained that she is the tall man’s assistant, and mentioned that we likely didn't know who he was, since he was "before our time." She continued to talk at such a breakneck pace, we couldn’t actually ask any questions in order to figure out who the tall man was.

Soon, they paid their bill and headed on out. As her gray-haired companion stood up, trying to squeeze his way out from the table, Barbara shouted to him, "Watch your privates!” The man turned red, escaped with his privates largely unharmed (mostly because they shriveled at the sound of her voice, I'm sure) and all three exited.

As we discussed who the tall man might have been, the red-headed woman returned to ask us for some business cards. Sadly, I have none, but Jon was able to accommodate her. Through this interaction, we learn that her name is Barbara, and that the tall man is famed doo-wop artist Kenny Vance...

...whose name we did not recognize.

After Barbara left, we marveled at the fact that she returned to fill in the blanks for us, and at least give us a starting point to figure out exactly who he is.

We were even more shocked when, almost ten full minutes later, she came back again to hand us an article featured in the current issue of Elmore Magazine, which provides all the details you need to know about Kenny Vance. (His band, Jay & The Americans, opened for both the Beatles and The Rolling Stones in each bands' first performances in the US)

Sadly, even after learning about all of Kenny Vance's accomplishments during his fifty years in music... all I will ever be able to think of is his assistant screaming "Watch Your Privates!' This is why New York City is great. The people here are just amazing.

After dinner, Aaron took us on a walking tour of some of New York's gayest bars and clubs ever. I'll spare you most of the gory details. . .

. . .but we definitely saw some very interesting characters (though none quite as colorful as Private-Watcher Barbara.)

For instance, there was the guy who donned cammo shorts and this t-shirt:
He was alone.

Then there was the guy in his early 70's who was walking into the bar who was walking into the bar as we were leaving. The gentleman was using a cane and had on a smartly pressed button-down blue shirt... to which this button was affixed:
He, too, had no companion.

Then there was the run-in with the police, as Aaron and Jimmy tried to jump a fence...

Watch your privates, Jimmy!

...in order to sit on this plastic cow:

Mooove Away from the Cow.

The cop sirened us, but didn't bother to get out of his cruiser as we scampered away.

Our final night in New York was spent with Aaron at Splash, where this pretty cute guy stopped me to chat. I thought "My lord, it is so easy to meet guys on the east coast!" Then, as he began to speak, I realized his breath smelled as though he had spent the better part of the day licking the railings in the subway. I had to ask him to reintroduce himself, because I was too busy gagging to hear his name the first time.

"My name is Doug," he replied. "It's like God, backwards. With a little bit of 'u' in it."

Needless to say, Doug would not be watching my privates.